Funny Fake Cough and Pretending to Have Pneumonia

Fake vomit is probably the hardest illness to fake without having tons of preparation and practice, which usually cannot be arranged because you need to fake this on the spot. You need to make your vomit realistic, as well as showing other symptoms of an upset stomach, all within a short period of time with little to no experience. That's okay! If you're unsure where to start when you need to fake vomiting and an upset stomach, there's plenty you can do before you actually need to actually fake illness.

1. 1

   Use leftovers from your dinner. After dinner, take some leftovers from dinner and chew the food about 20 times. Then, spit it into a plastic sandwich bag. Make sure you have a lot of leftovers to make your fake vomit with, but not so much that it'll be obvious all the leftovers are gone.

   • If you only have a small amount of leftovers from dinner, it would be best to leave them alone and instead make the 'vomit' from other things in your kitchen.
   • Use some water to help thin out the chewed-up food and make it look more vomit-like. Other additions that make fake vomit look gross include thousand island salad dressing, Vaseline, and milk. Be careful with using Vaseline, though, as it may not smell convincing enough to be added to your 'vomit'.
   • Alternatively, you could use breakfast cereal or whatever it is that you plan on eating for breakfast. You might be able to make it a more convincing show early the next morning.

2. 2

   Mix orange juice, milk, and crackers together. The most accurate-looking fake vomit concoction you can make without much effort is a mix of orange juice, milk, and chewed-up saltine crackers. Mix equal parts of milk and chewed-up crackers, but use orange juice sparingly. Massage the bag to mix it thoroughly and make it look gross.

   • If you can do so without being caught, put your mixture into the same kind of mixer you use to mix cookie batter. However, these machines can be quite noisy, so be careful.
   • Be cautious with putting orange juice into your mixture. It could make the vomit look fake.
   • Instead of using orange juice, you could use some lemonade. Due to its distinct smell and yellowish-clear color, it could be even more convincing.

3. 3

   Use uncooked canned soup. If you don't have any leftovers to use for your fake vomit recipe, start looking through the cupboards for cans of soup that you could use for your concoction. Good candidates include clam chowder, beef stew, pea soup, or other fairly chunky soups that will look like they've already been swallowed.

   • Like the leftovers, try to thin the soup out some with some water or some milk. You probably don't need to use all of the can of soup, maybe less than half a can. Store the vomit in a plastic bag or a jar and hide it in your room.
   • Look for some soup you know probably won't be used up or noticed. For example, if you only have that cream of onion soup because your great-aunt came over for Christmas Eve a couple years ago, use that because no one else will notice that it's gone. If you're using expired canned soup, that is even better because it will look more realistic.
   • If anyone will notice that the canned soup was used, don't use it at all.

4. 4

   Use oatmeal and food coloring. Get an empty bottle and fill it 3/4 with water, then add a few drops of different colors of food coloring to make a gross, brownish, dark color in the mixture. Add a pinch of chewed up leftovers to the mixture for extra texture and grossness.

   • The mixture should be mostly water. If you add too much oatmeal, it's going to look like oatmeal. If your parents look closely and know you haven't eaten oatmeal recently, you'll be caught.

5. 5

   Make spoiled milk vomit. If you want to go really gross with your fake vomit, you can do some planning ahead of time. Pour some milk into a glass and hide it in your room, preferably in a corner far from your bed so you won't have to smell it. Wait several days until it spoils and gets all chunky and gross. It'll usually take between three and five days. Chocolate and strawberry look best.

   • Before it spoils, you might want to add some chewed up food and other stuff, just so you won't have to add it later. You'll want to be around it as little as possible.

1. 1

   Hide the vomit in your room until the coast is clear. Keep your fake puke in a plastic bag or a jar and hide it somewhere in your room. Make sure it's safe in a container, because you don't want to spill it somewhere and have a disgusting mess on your hands.

   • If your puke is discovered before you get ready to 'reveal' it in the toilet, just play it off like it's a science project, or an "experiment."

2. 2

   Fake getting sick first thing in the morning. As soon as you get up, start complaining that you feel sick. Don't eat breakfast, or try chewing food with a horrible look on your face, as if you can't imagine eating something. Just start acting like you feel terrible. Make sure that your parents know you're "not feeling well."

   • The morning is the best time to fake it. If you're throwing up, you won't be sent to school in the morning. If you fake it too early, like the night before or in the middle of the night, it's more likely that you'll be caught.

3. 3

   Take your fake vomit into the bathroom. When you get a chance, slip away into the bathroom with your fake vomit in a plastic bag. Make sure you lock the door so you don't get caught fumbling with a plastic bag full of the fake stuff.

   • If the vomit had dried, shake a bit of water around to get it moist again. Now kneel down in front of the toilet and start groaning.

4. 4

   Make a big scene. When you get into the bathroom, start groaning and making retching sounds. As you make the sound quickly pour the vomit into the toilet as if you were vomiting. Dispose of the container as soon as possible. Turn slightly away from the toilet, groan and breathe slowly as if you had just been sick.

   • Don't dump your fake vomit on the floor. If you think you might get in trouble for pretending to get sick, imagine how much trouble you'll be in if you faked getting sick and made your parents clean up rotten milk and soup off the carpet.

5. 5

   Brush your teeth immediately after fake vomiting. It's possible to get caught immediately after dumping your fake puke, if it looks like you haven't puked. After you dump it out, start brushing your teeth, which is something you might normally do after throwing up. Open the door and let your parents see the puke in the toilet, just before you're flushing it down. The reason why you should brush your teeth is because usually, people get bad breath while they're sick, so parents may ask to smell your breath. If they do, tell them you brushed your teeth.

6. 6

   Keep selling it. For the most part, you shouldn't have to do much more after your parents see a toilet full of "vomit". You'll be able to stay home from school that day. But, that doesn't mean you can suddenly turn around and start doing cartwheels. Act like you're pretty wiped out and tired, head to bed, and relax throughout your day off.

   • If your parents call you from work, put on a groaning and tired voice. Say you are still feeling awful but not as much as in the morning.

7. 7

   Don't overdo it. The suggestion of puke doesn't need to be overdone. If you want to stay home from school, you might even be able to get away with it just by saying that you puked and not necessarily showing it to anyone. Don't over think it. You don't have to prove that you're sick by taking a mouth full of disgusting soup and milk combo and fake puking on the floor.

   • If you want to fake throwing up in front of someone for fun, do it in one quick motion (like a muscle spasm), leaning forward. Puff up your cheeks like you're about to puke. Repeat about 3 times, then pretend to swallow. Do this a few times, more dramatic each time. Finally, in two more retches, spit out the mixture.

Add New Question

• Question

  How do I fake vomit when in class?

  

  Put the mixture in a water bottle (one that's easy to clean out). When you're in class, pour a little in your mouth (but don't swallow). Start coughing, like you can't breath, then start gagging. Puff up your cheeks, then spit out the mixture (while still gagging).

• Question

  What if my mom asks how it feels on a scale of 1 to 100?

  

  Try not to be over dramatic, and pretend to think it over carefully. A number like 75 would probably cause her to keep you home from school.

• Question

  How do I make fake vomit smell?

  

  Put something in it with a strong scent, like garlic or vinegar.

• Question

  How do I get my parents to notice me?

  

  You can run to the bathroom and then make fake vomiting noises. It would be best if you tell them you don't feel well a little while before you do this. It will be more realistic.

• Question

  Should I do it in the bathroom or in my room?

  

  It's better if you do in the bathroom so you don't make a mess in your room.

• Question

  How long could I really keep this going?

  

  You could probably keep it going for about a day or two, considering not many people are that sick for that long.

• Question

  What if your squeamish?

  

  Then pretend you're sick without faking the vomiting part.

• Question

  Can I eat something the night before and in the morning I trigger my gag reflex to vomit?

  

  You can but the food from the night before will be mostly digested.

• Question

  How can I make the acidic smell of vomit?

  

  Vinegar has a terrible acidic smell, I recommend using some in your fake vomit.

• Question

  How often is it believable to fake vomit throughout a day?

  

  Probably at most 5-7 times. If you do it too much, your parents might take you to the doctor, and that would not be good.

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• Tell your parents (or whoever) that you don't feel well the night before your "big scene".

• Try making constant trips to the toilet, then on the last trip, pull off your fake vomit.

• Try not to keep saying 'I feel sick' or it gives it away.

• Make sure not to overpower the mixture of leftovers and milk or juice or else it will give it away.

• Act how you actually act when you're sick. If you usually deny being sick, deny being sick, and vice-versa.

• Make sure you know how stinky and gross your puke is. If it's too watered down it looks like you faked it.

• Say you feel light-headed, dizzy, or nauseous beforehand.

• Don't make your mixture too potent. A wretched smell can lead to actual vomiting, and then you will actually not feel well...

• Be careful because fake vomiting can lead to a trip to the doctor.

• Make sure after you dump the puke, that you hide your plastic baggy in the very bottom of the trash can. You don't want to risk getting caught.

• Try to make a little extra fake vomit then later you can do it multiple times.

• Make sure that it is not obvious and don't complain so much but still complain.

• Use mashed potato, baked beans and milk and mush them together. It works perfectly!

• At times, the eyes water when one begins vomiting. Drip some water near your eyes at the bathroom sink after "vomiting" in the toilet to make it more believable.

• Wash up the container you used when nobody is around. Doing it while people around can get you caught.

• You should tell your parents your stomach hurts really badly the night before, and then the morning, go ahead and fake vomit. This will make your parents think you are sick and need to stay home.

• Try not to overdo it with the groaning or the sound effects.

• Don't do this if your parents are squeamish, as this may upset them.

• Don't make too much vomit it might look fake.

• It helps if you lie flat on your back while on the phone or tip your head back. This makes you sound like you have a blocked nose.

• Keep an exhausted look in your eyes to get the sick vibe going.

• If you are mixing foods to fake it, use the colors of food you ate with your parents, so it looks like you actually threw up what you ate.

• Don't put too much water in your imitation vomit, or it will look fake.

• Don't do it right away. If you walk to school or your parents drive you, don't do it first thing in the morning. Get dressed and get ready for school like normal, but be a little slower than usual and pretend to be dizzy. If your parents ask you what's wrong, tell them you're not feeling well. Then a few minutes before you're about to leave head to the bathroom and bring out the big guns.

• Try to relax your face muscles, so your cheeks look saggy, and you look really tired.

• Don't over-dye the vomit. If your vomit has too much "blood", it may land you in the hospital.

• Hide trash or wrappers of foods if you use it to look more realistic. If your parents know, it gives it away, so don't!

• Make sure you don't mind sleeping with the smell of half-eaten food in your room.

• Be aware that you may be missing something important at school and may have to get notes off a friend or student.

About this article

Article Summary X

If you want to make fake vomit, take some leftovers from dinner, chew it about 20 times, and spit it into a plastic Ziplock bag. Make the vomit look even more convincing and gross by adding a little water, milk, Vaseline, or thousand island salad dressing. Alternatively, mix together orange juice, milk, and a handful of chewed-up saltine crackers. For those who are more squeamish, simply thin out some canned soup with water or milk. Once you have your fake vomit, fake being sick by telling your parents that you don't feel well, then going to the bathroom and pretending to "puke" your fake vomit into the toilet. For more tips, including how to use oatmeal and food coloring to make fake vomit, read on!

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